In the still of the night she came, to me she bound
In stilettos and a black little number with an ass that was nice and round
Pouting her peckers and her peckers pouting, a gem I had found
Boy, was I going to get it up!

Lit some candles, burnt some oils and dimmed the light
With some jazz in the background, mine was the night
Her champagne chilling, I got the mood just right
Tonight, am I going to get it so up!

Drank gin and tonic while playing her locks
Drank even shots and shots of Tequila with lime on the rocks
Cocktails of Amarula Cream, J&B and Jack Daniels too, but they were all jokes                     
What?! I couldn’t get it up!

She spread herself
She played with herself
She opened up herself
Damn, can’t get the damn freaking thing up!

Frantic, I watched some porn
Even smoke some pot in a horn
With some baby oil, wanked some on sex phone
Johnnie wouldn’t bulge and still refused to go up!

In dismay little black number left with her tight little fanny
Called dear old reliable Danny
Always fixing me up with some honey
“Homie, the little pills will get the old boy up!”

Called little black number “will be there in five. This is going to be a killer!”
Two pills I popped and washed down with some Tequila
Was I now carrying a proud pillar!
Ooh did old boy go up!

Five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour, an hour
I’m getting sore and it is now becoming a tower
Can’t bear the pain, feeling dizzy and my mouth getting sour
Old boy is still go up and up!

Next day in the afternoon, Danny came
He sees me with my arm in a sling, looking tired and lame.
“What happened?” so shocked, he didn’t even call out my name
"She never showed up!"